If you dare to question whether Hillary Clinton is physically ill, her dutiful media maidservants will smear you as mentally ill.
It matters not how many times she falls, how many speeches she interrupts with uncontrolled coughing, how many memory lapses she has in mid-sentence, how many times she cackles loudly and inappropriately, or how many apparent seizures she has while cameras roll and fawning reporters flinch. She’s not sick; you’re sick for even noticing.
“The right-wing smear machine is working at warp speed to convince the nation that Hillary Clinton has brain damage,” ululates Heather Digby Parton over at left-wing remote-controlled Clinton mouthpiece Salon.com. Sounding curiously more hysterical than the people she’s trying to depict as hysterical, she mentions “mudslinging” and “rumor mongering” emerging from the subhuman slime of right-wing “fever swamps.” Parton singles out the Alt-Right as having “gone completely over the edge with this craziness” in trying to misrepresent the former Madame Secretary as “a brain-damaged invalid.”
At the eternally punishable Wonkette, Evan Hurst casts his righteous thunderbolts of disapproval down upon “the fever swamps of the wingnut internet” where deluded Neanderthals fixate upon the discredited and debunked conspiracy theories generated solely by “Trump’s obsession with his opponent’s energy and health.”
“I am not a doctor, but this I know: Hillary Clinton is one sick bitch.”
US News bemoans “a slew of conservative or conspiracy-theory themed sites” crammed with “Hillary-phobes” whose sick minds lead them to suspect without any solid evidence that Hillary Clinton may be sick.
Not to be done by her fawning minions in the realm of egregious gaslighting, HillaryClinton.com screams that “Trump Pushes Deranged Conspiracy About Clinton’s Health To Distract From Tax Return Questions.” Desperately changing the subject, it accuses Trump of “desperately changing the subject” away from the issue of his tax returns.
But that’s a separate subject. The subject at hand is whether Hillary is likely to croak anytime soon…or poop her diapers during a White House press conference…or suffer a temporary stroke and accidentally launch a nuclear war.
Clinton’s site mentions “fabricated documents” and “lies” and a “baseless narrative” and “tin foil hats” and “conspiracy peddlers” and “absurd and debunked claims” in a transparent attempt to make anyone besides Hillary Clinton look like the craziest person on Earth.
As far as I can tell, there are far more questions being asked about Clinton’s health than there are “claims” being made. One notable exception involves a series of documents purportedly from Clinton’s personal physician claiming that she suffered from “memory loss” and “blacking out” and “uncontrollable twitching.” These documents were apparently forged.
Otherwise, here are some unanswered questions about Clinton’s potential illnesses that will get you labeled mentally ill merely for asking them:
WHY DOES SHE FALL SO MUCH?
She fell in 2009 and broke her elbow. She fell while boarding a plane in 2011. In 2012, she fainted, fell, and suffered a concussion that left a blood clot on her brain. Earlier this year, either she fell and was helped to her feet by bodyguards, or Ol’ Muffin Ass had trouble scaling a small flight of wooden stairs by herself. Last week she appeared to stumble after introducing Joseph Biden in that Basset Hound bark she has while giving campaign speeches.
She fell in 2009 and broke her elbow. She fell while boarding a plane in 2011. In 2012, she fainted, fell, and suffered a concussion that left a blood clot on her brain. Earlier this year, either she fell and was helped to her feet by bodyguards, or Ol’ Muffin Ass had trouble scaling a small flight of wooden stairs by herself. Last week she appeared to stumble after introducing Joseph Biden in that Basset Hound bark she has while giving campaign speeches.
WHY DOES SHE COUGH SO MUCH?
It makes her look unhealthy. Extremely unhealthy. It’s as if she’s ready to hock out her esophagus like a big bloody loogie. All that cringeworthy hacking and gagging and throat-clearing and water-sipping and choking leads a curious mind to wander through cognitive meadows that allow the possibility that Hillary Clinton has a lung tumor the size of a football.
It makes her look unhealthy. Extremely unhealthy. It’s as if she’s ready to hock out her esophagus like a big bloody loogie. All that cringeworthy hacking and gagging and throat-clearing and water-sipping and choking leads a curious mind to wander through cognitive meadows that allow the possibility that Hillary Clinton has a lung tumor the size of a football.
WHAT’S WITH THAT PSYCHOTIC CACKLE OF HERS?
The woman whose cold womb Bill Clinton once saw fit to impregnate has perhaps the most sadistic and inappropriatewitch-like laugh mine ears hath ever heard. If that’s not a sign of severe neurological damage, I will have to presume she is possessed by Satan.
The woman whose cold womb Bill Clinton once saw fit to impregnate has perhaps the most sadistic and inappropriatewitch-like laugh mine ears hath ever heard. If that’s not a sign of severe neurological damage, I will have to presume she is possessed by Satan.
WHY SHOULDN’T WE BE CONCERNED THAT A 2011 CONCUSSION LEFT HER WITH A BLOOD CLOT ON HER BRAIN?
And it wasn’t her first blood clot, either—she had deep vein thrombosis in her leg in 1998. But after she fainted and fell in 2012, her philandering hubby Bill says his one-time sex partner suffered “a terrible concussion that required six months of very serious work to get over.” Hillary was diagnosed with cerebral venous sinus thrombosis—a blood clot in a vein between her skull and brain. She took blood thinners to dissolve the clot and still apparently takes them.
And it wasn’t her first blood clot, either—she had deep vein thrombosis in her leg in 1998. But after she fainted and fell in 2012, her philandering hubby Bill says his one-time sex partner suffered “a terrible concussion that required six months of very serious work to get over.” Hillary was diagnosed with cerebral venous sinus thrombosis—a blood clot in a vein between her skull and brain. She took blood thinners to dissolve the clot and still apparently takes them.
Although her campaign is now trying to dismiss the brain clot as no big whoop, back in 2012 ABC News said it was potentially life threatening. It quoted a physician who specialized in head injuries:
Imagine this vein, where all the cerebral spinal fluid inside the head and spine no longer flows through this area. You get a big back up and that itself could cause a stroke. In the long-term…the venous system can’t get the blood out of the brain. It’s like a Lincoln Tunnel back up.
IF THE BLOOD CLOT DIDN’T GIVE HER BRAIN DAMAGE, WHY DOES SHE ACT SO BRAIN-DAMAGED?
Why does she make such weird faces and space out in mid-sentence and refer to Donald Trump as her husband? If this isn’t a seizure, isn’t it at least evidence that she’s nuts? Why did Huma Abedin, her own personal Sapphic Sancho Panza, send an email to a colleague claiming that Hillary is “often confused”? If Clinton’s not brain-damaged, give that lady an Oscar!
Why does she make such weird faces and space out in mid-sentence and refer to Donald Trump as her husband? If this isn’t a seizure, isn’t it at least evidence that she’s nuts? Why did Huma Abedin, her own personal Sapphic Sancho Panza, send an email to a colleague claiming that Hillary is “often confused”? If Clinton’s not brain-damaged, give that lady an Oscar!
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE HOLE IN HER TONGUE?
Why is there a recessed hole on her tongue the width of a dime? Is it where her Council on Foreign Relations robot chip was implanted? Or is it where an especially severe oral herpes sore was removed? What about a cancer biopsy? Or an excised tumor? Or syphilitic glossitis? Or even the dreaded speckled erythroplakia? Whatever it is, I wish she’d keep her mouth shut.
Why is there a recessed hole on her tongue the width of a dime? Is it where her Council on Foreign Relations robot chip was implanted? Or is it where an especially severe oral herpes sore was removed? What about a cancer biopsy? Or an excised tumor? Or syphilitic glossitis? Or even the dreaded speckled erythroplakia? Whatever it is, I wish she’d keep her mouth shut.
MY DIAGNOSIS
I am not a doctor, but this I know: Hillary Clinton is one sick bitch.
I am not a doctor, but this I know: Hillary Clinton is one sick bitch.
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